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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28283502">Will you Forgive my Soul?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wherehaveyouben/pseuds/Wherehaveyouben'>Wherehaveyouben</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Eventual Smut, F/M, Happily Ever After, Modern AU, Praise Kink, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo Evermore, Reylo engagement, Rough Sex, Sex, Smut, Soft Ben Solo, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, but they get back together, engaged reylo, rey breaks up with ben, reylo au</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:07:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,964</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28283502</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wherehaveyouben/pseuds/Wherehaveyouben</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Will you forgive my soul<br/>When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?"</p><p>Life is pulling Rey and Ben in different directions, but Coney Island is their safe space.</p><p>Here's my contribution to the Evermore Fic Drop!</p><p>Merry Christmas all</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Reylo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Reylo Evermore Flash Fic</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Will you Forgive my Soul?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>There is angst but there is a happy ending I promise.</p><p>Come say hi on <a href="https://twitter.com/wherehavey0uben">Twitter</a></p><p>Thank you for my beautiful moodboard from <a href="https://twitter.com/blessedreylo"> BlessedReylo</a> who always seems to understand my vision better than I do!</p><p>My beautiful beta <a href="https://twitter.com/benw8ingforsolo">Benwa8ingforsolo</a></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Rey we’ve been over this…” he’s angry. She can tell he’s angry even while his voice remains soft. They’re both on edge, standing at opposite sides of the room, a cruel metaphor for the direction they’re heading in. He's exhausted from the same conversation over and over. “This job will set us up for life. For life, Rey! We can start a family, we can build the dream house.” He uses his hands to communicate and she loves it about him. When he’s still, he barely moves, he’s statuesque and perfect, like he’s been carved from the cleanest marble. When he springs to life, he’s fluid, surprisingly so for a man of his stature.</p><p> </p><p>“Please, Ben. The money doesn’t matter. It never has. <em> Please.” S </em>he’s almost in tears, loathing the sound of her voice as it cracks in desperation. Reaching for those mobile hands of his she nearly falls apart as he pulls away. Turning his back to her and leaning against the windowsill. They never walk away from an argument. It’s a rule they have. </p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t want him to take the job he’s been offered. Because he doesn’t really want it. Sure, it would buy them the most comfortable life, but he’d be selling his soul for it. She’d never forgive herself. She’s not even sure where this boulder sized chip on his shoulder has come from, this desperation to please and provide financially when all she needs is him.</p><p> </p><p>They’ll make it work, they have to. They’re Ben and Rey. Two names, six letters. Everyone is jealous of them. Of their love and devotion to each other. They’re the couple that people subconsciously compare themselves to. </p><p> </p><p>She has a similar job offer on the table, the email has been sat in her inbox for weeks. She’s not even opened it, she just knows the subject reads <em> Offer of Employment </em>and it’s all she needs to see. She’s not going to take it. She can’t. Even if it is her dream job. His will become their nightmare.</p><p> </p><p>They end the night in each others arms, he rocks her to sleep against his chest, promising her everything will be okay. Neither of them are sure how yet, but they don’t have a choice. They can’t breathe without each other.</p><p> </p><p>— — — </p><p> </p><p>Their first date was at Coney Island. It was cliched and perfect. Ben was terrible at the arcade games but he did win her a hideous stuffed monkey when he played on the test of strength, the grin on his face when he swung the mallet and struck the bell will stay with her forever. Every year he tries and fails to win her the damn Voltron Defender of the Universe ring he’d seen in a movie, every year he fails. </p><p> </p><p>They come every year on their anniversary, hand in hand as always, this year there’s a tremble in his and she can’t figure out why, what if he’s breaking up with her? Surely, he wouldn’t taint such a beautiful place to them with something so dark. He leads her to a bench, and fumbles with his pocket. </p><p> </p><p>Apparently he upped his arcade game skills.</p><p> </p><p>“Baby, I turned the job down. We can stay, I’ve taken a position with my parents company. I don’t care about the money, I want you. I want to be with you. I signed the contracts yesterday. I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through. I’ll be better. Will you marry me?”</p><p> </p><p>His eyes brim with tears, her beautiful, beautiful Ben. She wells up too, but her heart <em> fractures </em>. </p><p> </p><p>“Rey?” He pressed her. If the answer isn’t an immediate yes then they have a serious problem.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben…” she chokes a sob. “I accepted the job. I was going to surprise you.” He hugs her against him, she clings to his his shirt, staining the stone grey with her tears.</p><p> </p><p>“Just tell them you can’t go. You retract it.” It seems like the simplest answer in the world. </p><p> </p><p>“I can’t…” She wipes her eyes against him, feeling his heartbeat through her cheek. No, not his heartbeat. She feels it break. </p><p> </p><p>“Of course you can!” He’s pushed her up from him, he’s holding her by the shoulders, forcing her to make eye contact with him. </p><p> </p><p>Ben was always the ambitious one, Rey happy to go along with his hopes and dreams because they always worked for both of them. But this one is hers, and she’d spent the last six months believing he was going to take the job so she’d let herself plan the life they could have. She’s figured it out, they’ll move out there together, she’d convince him to find a new job after a few months of him loathing it, and they’d be happy.</p><p> </p><p>She just didn’t count on him being willing to give up everything for her. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry…” She’s crying, he’s crying, people pass by none the wiser. “I’m so sorry… I can’t do this. You deserve better. I underestimated you <em> again. You </em> need someone who won’t do that.” </p><p> </p><p>She’s up, her back to the railings as she watches him, his jaw slacked, this was meant to be the happiest day of their lives so far. It’s turning into the worst. A pit is opening in his stomach, she’s leaving him.</p><p> </p><p>“Please… Rey, that’s <em> my </em>decision to make. I love you. Only you. Don’t leave me.” And how she nearly stays, she nearly falls back into his arms. He has this look in his eyes when he cries, he looks so innocent. The man had the biggest heart of any person she’s ever met. </p><p> </p><p>So she walks away. </p><p> </p><p>He shouts at her, reminding her they don’t walk away. She ignores him. It nearly kills her. But she’s doing this for them. Risking a glance back over her shoulder, she catches sight of him about to hurl that stupid ring into the water. She’s destroyed him for now, but he’ll come back stronger. He’ll find someone who gives him everything he deserves, not someone who pushes him to the edge. Whoever she is, she’s a lucky woman.</p><p> </p><p>— — — </p><p> </p><p>It’s been three years. He still won’t answer her calls, he ignores her texts - maybe he’s blocked her number. She was even desperate enough to message him on LinkedIn but received nothing back. The next day she went to search his name, but she couldn’t find him. <em> Get the message, Rey.  </em></p><p> </p><p>She hasn’t dated anyone. She sleeps with people occasionally, makes them bury their head between her legs so she can grasp their dark hair - oh yes, they always look like him - and pretend for a few minutes that they’re back together. She only lets them fuck her from behind where she can imagine it’s Bens hands on her hips. </p><p> </p><p>When she’s alone, she makes herself cum and says his name. </p><p> </p><p>She still keeps in touch with their friends, she's on the other side of the country and they clearly warn him when she’s back in town. Because she never bumps into him, no matter how hard she tries. When she sobs to into Rose who plays with her hair after two bottles of wine and the realisation it would have been their seventh anniversary tomorrow, the other woman kisses her head and reminds her softly. “You know where you’ll be able to find him.” </p><p> </p><p>— — — </p><p> </p><p>Rose is right, as she always is. Rey is nearly sick in her purse as she sees his hulking figure sat on <em> that </em> bench, back at Coney Island. He’s as poetic as ever. Stoic and unmoving. The only hint that he’s not made of stone is his hair shifting in the wind. It’s shorter now, she always liked it longer, maybe that’s why he’s cut it. </p><p> </p><p>“Ben…” she steps behind him, almost touching his shoulder but reminding she no longer has the right. He inhales deeply, he smells the same, his cologne catching her as the cotton of his button up shifts. </p><p> </p><p>“Took you long enough.” Oh and his voice makes her weak again. He hasn’t looked at her yet, he hasn’t actually moved apart from the effort to breathe. It’s then his words ring home.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” In her surprise, she gains the courage to step around and face him, he’s got a beard now. A decent one. She wants to run her fingers tips through it. He shuffles up so she can sit next to him. Meeting her eyes for the first time. She’s already crying. He isn’t. But his eyes aren’t cold. They’re warm. They’re home. His lip is trembling though, he’s holding it in. </p><p> </p><p>“How did you know…” she can barely get her words out, he takes her hands in his and it’s the contact she’s craved all these years. </p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t. I hoped though.” He doesn’t say it, he doesn’t need to. He’s come here for the last three years, either to heal or to find her. “I told myself this was the last time…” </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, Ben. I’m so—“ he’s kissing her. She’s kissing him back. Their tears stream down their faces and she can taste the salt on their lips. Anyone walking past will think they're insane, they’re practically clawing at each other. Only stopping when they need to breathe. But neither of them care, the world around them has disappeared, they just melt into each other.</p><p> </p><p>“I got you this…” she hiccups and finds the hideous ring in her bag. “They’re actually really hard to win, I just paid the guy for it. I think he felt sorry for me.” </p><p> </p><p>It’s at this point he laughs again, that beautiful rumble, he fusses with his jeans and gets the matching ring from them, her last memory of Ben had been him throwing that in the water. “I couldn’t do it. I kept it.” He wipes his eyes first, then hers. “Let’s go home.” </p><p> </p><p>He’s leading her away, back to his place. There is time for talking later, this is about their homecoming.</p><p> </p><p>Lifting her like she’s weightless, her legs close around his waist like they belong there. He takes her to his bed, she strips herself so he can do the same. They’re desperate. His frantic lips cover her body in seconds. He is everywhere. Pulling her nipples with his teeth, biting at her hip bones, kissing her stomach, back to her collar bones, he attacks her neck. “Please…” she doesn’t know what she’s asking for exactly. She just knows she needs more.</p><p> </p><p>His face is between her legs, he’s kissing her cunt like it were her mouth, his ever talented tongue remembering exactly how to drag moan after moan from her as her back arches and she forces him to drown in her. She’s coming for him, clinging at the bedsheets, turning her face into them so she can breathe him in.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck me… please, Ben. Please.” Her whines are pathetic, but he doesn’t make her wait, he’s bottomed out with her so quickly it almost hurts. He stills, realising he could have been a little eager, but her nails dig in his back, silently telling him she needs more. Her Ben obliges, he’s ploughing through her, the bed bouncing off the wall. They don’t care. </p><p> </p><p>Their hands are linked together as they come, he fills her up like he belongs there. Bens head drops down into the crook of her neck, she brushes it behind his ear as their heart rates slow down.</p><p> </p><p>“So…” he questions her eventually, breaking the silence.</p><p> </p><p>“So what?” There are limitless possibilities as to the source of his question, they have a lot of <em> so </em>’s to cover.</p><p> </p><p>“Will you marry me? You never actually answered me.” He leans back and smiles at her, it lights up his face and her heart.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. Yes you idiot. Of course I will.” </p><p>
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